No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
