we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize