Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize