he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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