I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
