I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
