I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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