Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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