Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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