all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I would fuck him just for his dog
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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