so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
