when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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