she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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