If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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