You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
