I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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