george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The air was thick with penises
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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