I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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