Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
PANTIES FOUND
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