you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
