how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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