Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
