Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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