my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
