Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
All the doctor said was why
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize