i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
