You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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