I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Operation Purity has been aborted
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
