wrigley field is MILF paradise
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize