just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
