too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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