I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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