omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
