Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
