Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
