awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
