We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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