Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
