By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
