I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
