Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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