oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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