i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
