living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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