why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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