But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Where is the hickey?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize