dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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