hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
