sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
