the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
