She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
They have beer where we have blood.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
