i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
