I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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