It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know đ
I swear to God if you start calling your dick âmy pegasusâ weâre not friends anymore
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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