Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
3 2 1 whiskey
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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