He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
