The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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