Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
