u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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