I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
