Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
