i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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