I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
