as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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