this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My life is pants optional.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
