I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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