I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
