i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My vagina is officially offended.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
