I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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