a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
