guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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