I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
