maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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