My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
