i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
A+ Viking dick
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
