If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
