imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
