Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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