Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
